I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
