Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
