Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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