So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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