i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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