what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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