so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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