for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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