I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
im six kinds of drunk right now
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
