he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
