I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
