do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Randomize
