How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
