You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
