she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
