would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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