I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
