Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
