That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
