he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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