I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
