dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
