i think my mom watched the whole time
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
