Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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