Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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