When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
