Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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