then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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