whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
