wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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