My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
