im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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