Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
