You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
