How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Fuck appropriateness.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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