I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
