My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize