at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
