Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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