Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize