I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
