guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
