I think i peed on brittanys purse
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
