people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize