I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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