Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize