Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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