garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
