tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
