No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
