I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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