He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
