Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
