If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
