Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
