last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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