We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
