I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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