My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
