I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
