You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
