I showed him my bush... on skype.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
