you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
