I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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