hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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