If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
