i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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