you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
